Beach Party with the Cullens
by twilightnite
Summary: /HIATUS/Bella and the Cullens go to the beach and have a little party. Stupid characters, weird plot, funny story! If it’s offensive in any way we’re really sorry! We’re just trying to have fun! R&R! UPDATED!
1. Alice and Jasper's wrath

**Bella and the Cullens go to the beach and have a little party. **

**Stupid characters + weird plot Funny story!**

**If it's offensive in any way we're really sorry! We're just trying to have fun:D**

**Disclaimer: We don't own Twilight, New Moon, or the characters.**

**Alice and Jasper's Wrath**

July 16th

Bella Swan sat in the living room watching T.V. with Alice who was suddenly beaming.

"We gonna partay!"

"What?"

"Like I said, we're going partay at the beach! It's gonna be tons of fun!" Alice disappeared to her room, leaving Bella dumbfounded on the couch.

"Riight……Edward?" Edward suddenly appeared beside Bella on the couch.

"What's wrong Bella?"

"Your sister's scaring me."

"She scares us all. Alice! Get your vampire butt down here this instant!" Jasper walked by the room at the time and looked up from the book he was currently reading and glared at Edward.

"Excuse me Edward? What'd did you just say to my wife?!"

"I told her to get down here, that's all."

"Sure, sure."

"ALICE!" Alice reappeared to the room and glared at Edward and beamed at Bella.

"This will be fun Bella! Don't worry! I'm great at throwing parties!"

"PARTIES!?! Alice do you remember the last time you threw a party?" Alice rolled her eyes at Edward.

"No? Why?"

"Let's just say that we're lucky that the neighbors didn't press charges."

"Hey! That was one time!" Bella sat there, trying to understand what was going on. Rosalie came in smiling.

"Party? I heard someone say party! What kind of party?" Her smile faded when she looked at Edward who was glaring at her.

"A beach party!"

"A beach party?" Emmett burst through the wall and you can hear Esme scream in the background. "EMMETT! What was that?!"

"That better not have been the wall…..again. Esme dear, deep breaths!"

"I DON'T HAVE TO BREATHE IF I DON'T WANT TO!"

"Party? I heard someone say party! What kind of party?"

"A beach party Emmett." Emmett smirked as he came up with some brilliant, evil-mastermind plans.

"Emmett, what's with the creepy smile?"

"No reason, my brother." Edward rolled his eyes. Emmett left the room, humming a tune to himself. The rest of the family sat in silence until they heard Esme chase Emmett down the hall with a broomstick.

"EMMETT MCCARTY CULLEN! YOU ARE PAYING FOR THIS WALL!" The family heard Esme scream.

"Uh, I better go do something useful." Jasper said, walking out of the room. "Esme, calm down!"

"DON'T YOU TELL ME WHAT TO DO, JASPER WHITLOCK HALE!"

"I am just trying to help!"

Then the screaming stopped.

"Okay? Point?"

"I don't think there was, Edward."

"FIND A HAPPY PLACE! FIND A HAPPY PLACE!"

"Bella, it's okay."

"NO IT'S NOT!"

"Bella?"

Alice smiled, and everybody looked at her suspiciously.

"What?"

"Just watch."

Two seconds later, Bella attacked her boyfriend by throwing pillows at him, and trying to bite him. Alice was trying not to laugh, but she couldn't help herself. She left the room. Rosalie was trying to get Bella off of Edward.

"BACK! BACK I SAY! Get off of me!" Bella pulled back and hissed at Edward, baring her teeth. "Bella?! Are you feeling alright?" Bella narrowed her eyes and then smiled wide, her eye twitching.

"Perfectly fine! Yup, yup, yup!" She turned her head to the side and yelled. "Stop messing with my emotions Jasper!" Jasper could be heard snickering in the background. At that moment Alice walked back into the room.

"So are we still gonna have the party or what?" Her whole family turned to glare at her. "Just asking!"


	2. The Rage of Esme

**Yay it's Chapter 2! Poor poor Edward, Emmett got him in trouble!**

**Enjoy and remember, don't make Esme mad!**

**Disclaimer: We don't own Twilight, New Moon, or the characters...sigh We do however own this story! Mwahahaha!**

**Chapter 2: The Rage of Esme**

"I. Can't. Believe. We're. Doing. This." Edward said while banging his head against the wall.

"EDWARD ANTHONY MASEN CULLEN! THAT HAD BETTER NOT BE MY WALL!"

"Uh…no it's not?"

Esme walked by Edward, and glared at him.

"I believe that is my wall, Edward."

"Sorry?"

"You better be sorry!" Esme walked out to get the party stuff. All of a sudden, Emmett crashed through the wall, making Edward jump back almost a foot.

"OMC EMMETT! NOT AGAIN!"

"EMMETT!" Esme's scream was heard though the whole house.

"EDWARD DID IT!" Emmett yelled.

"I DID NOT!"

"DID SO!"

"DID NOT!"

"DID SO!"

"SHUT UP!"

Edward and Emmett looked to the doorway to see Rosalie standing there.

"God you two!" she said, going back up the stairs.

--Alice's room--

Bella sat on Alice's bed while the pixie-like vampire was trying to find her a swim suit.

"Do we really have to do this Alice? I mean come on! I have one at home! I think…."

"YES!" Alice spun around and threw a blue bathing suit at Bella. "Here! Wear this under your clothes until we get there. Then we go swimming!" Alice smiled evilly.

"I'm too young to die Alice." Alice rolled her eyes.

"Just put it on so we can go!"

"Fine!" Bella moaned walking toward the bathroom before she turned to face Alice again. "If I die you stay away from my funeral."

"Bella!"

**So'd ya like it? XD**

**Remember to review!**

**Kirs & Kate**


	3. It was One time!

**Yay! Chapter 3:D**

**Word for the wise: If you wanna live, don't make Alice mad when she wants to throw a party!!!!**

**Before we forget, "OMC!" means "Oh my Carlisle!" instead of "Oh my god!"**

**Disclaimer: We don't own Twilight, or New Moon but we own this story! Mwahahahaha!**

**Chapter 3:**

**It was One Time!**

Edward, Bella, and Alice climbed into the Volvo while Emmett, Rosalie, Carlisle, and Esme rode in Mercedes. They began to pull out of the driveway until they heard Jasper scream.

"HEY!! Wait for me! What am I? Chopped liver?!"

"Mmm….chopped liver, haven't had that in years. OW! Rosalie! What was that for?!"

"You can't eat normal food you idiot!" Jasper got into the car with Alice.

"Oh Jasper, we'd never forget you. Well, maybe…."

"Hey!"

"Oh come on! It was one time! ONE TIME!" Alice nearly shrieked at Jasper in the backseat. In the front, Bella cringed in fear.

"Alice is scaring me again."

Edward sighed. "Alice, stop scaring Bella."

"Hey, it's not my fault that Jasper walks like a human"

"Hey, what's wrong with walking like a human?"

"Bella, it's different for us."

"Right."

Rosalie, who had been driving the Mercedes for some weird reason, suddenly stopped short, running out of the car.

"I forgot sunscreen!"

Edward rolled his eyes.

Rosalie walked up to Edward's window, and yelled at him.

"Hey. I LIKE MY SUNSCREEN!"

"It's going to rain. I don't think you're going to need it."

"I WANT IT!"

"Vampires use sunscreen?"

Everyone in the car turned to face Bella. "Just curious." she said, shrugging.

Edward and Rosalie were still yelling at each other. Bella was sitting in the passenger seat, staring into space. Jasper was reading _Car and Driver_, and Alice was sitting there, shaking with rage.

"JUST GET YOUR FREAKING SUNSCREEN, AND GET INTO THE FREAKING CAR, AND DRIVE TO THE FREAKING BEACH!"

Edward and Rosalie looked at her, and even Jasper looked up from the magazine.

"OMC Alice! Okay, okay!" Rosalie said, putting her hands up in defense.

Edward still looked a little shocked, but after Rosalie got into the car, and drove off, Edward followed.

"Edward, you okay? You look paler than usual."

Edward gripped the wheel, still shaking with fear. "Fine, just fine."

Jasper had gotten back to the magazine, and Alice was looking out the window, smiling like nothing had happened. After only a few minutes of driving, the group of vampires-and Bella-had arrived at a grayish beach with a grayish sky overlooking the grayish ocean.

**Thanks for reading! If you want Chapter 4 up soon, we want at least 10-12 reviews! **

**Is that too much to ask for though? **

**Review for Edward's sake! He needs you!**

**Kirs & Kate**


	4. Bella can fly! and 津波!”

**Wahoo! Ch. 4:D**

**We wrote so many chapters….We think we have 10 total so far and we're not even done! Mwahahahaha!**

**Yay! We got our 10 needed reviews! Edward thanks you so much!**

**Now he can calm down a bit!**

**REMINDER: OMC means Oh my Carlisle!**

**And yes, Emmett does like to crash through walls. :)**

**This is probably the longest chapter out of them all! And the funniest! Victoria or better known as the-red-head-evil-stupid-lady-vampire-who-we-all-want-to-die-soon-because-she-can-hurt-Edward-person makes an appearance! **

**Disclaimer: We don't own Twilight or New Moon, like we said before, we own this story! Mwahahahahahaha!!! Now onto the story!**

**Chapter 4:**

**Bella can fly!**

**and "****津波****!!!!"**

"It's going to rain isn't it?"

"Why did you bring us here Alice? You knew it was going to rain."

"Actually, I didn't."

"Great, just great."

Esme waved to the others that were getting out of the Volvo, and was smiling.

"Great day for the beach, isn't it?" Esme said, smiling.

"Sure. Just great."

"Edward, where's your beach spirit?

"Still sitting in the car, shaking with fear." Edward said, glancing at Alice, who was smiling.

"Alice what did you do this time?"

"She scared the crap out of me!"

"EDWARD! LANUGUAGE!"

"Sorry Esme….."

"You should be Eddie."

"What'd you call me?!"

"That's what you get for calling me Carli."

"One time! That was one time!"

"What's with vampires and "It was one time!"?" Bella asked Alice.

"What?"

"What?"

"What?"

"What's with the "What?"?!"

"What are we talking about?"

"What?"

"STOP IT WITH THE WHAT'S!"

"Sorry Eddie." Bella smirked at him. Edward glared at her.

"It was Edward's fault!" Emmett yelled randomly.

"What?"

"What?" Emmett mocked him.

"What?!"

"What, Eddie? I am so confused."

"DON'T CALL ME EDDIE! YOU KNOW I HATE THAT NAME!"

"But Bella called you that."

"I'll get back at her later."

"I'd love to see that happen, _Eddie_!" Bella yelled. Eddie snarled and the next thing they knew, Bella's voice was fading as they saw her fly over the ocean singing "I believe I can fly!". Then they heard a splash.

"Edward. Why?" Alice asked whimpering. Edward turned to look at her. Her face was full of fear.

"What?"

"You killed Bella!"

"CRUD!!" Edward said, knowing he'd be dead if he swore in front of Esme.

"CANNONBALL!" Emmett screamed behind them, running toward the ocean. He obviously didn't realize that Bella was out there.

"EMMETT! NO!" Edward and Rosalie yelled, but they were too late. Emmett flew over the water and broke the surface, causing a huge wave.

--Somewhere in Japan—

Two people gazed into the ocean, then they saw the wave.

"津波!!!!"one of them yelled, the other person was screaming at the top of her lungs. Then they began to run.

Tsunami!!!!

--Back in Forks, or wherever they are—

"WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY! EDWARD! WHY!?!" Alice was shrieking at Edward. "Edward how could you! I hate you!" Alice turned on her heel and began to sob tearless sobs. Edward had run up the side of a cliff and stood at the top.

"KILL ME NOW VOLTURI! KILL ME NOW I BEG OF YOU!"

"Edward get down here this instant! Don't you hear that?" In the distant you could hear a scream.

"OMC Emmett! The water's cold! AAAAHHHHHHHH!!!" Bella shrieked. Emmett had reappeared back to the beach, without Bella. In the distance you could see fire. On the water?! Victoria.

----On Bella's rock---

"Oh! Hey there Victoria! What's up?" Victoria opened her eyes wide.

"Oh, um. Hi there? I'm here to kill you?" Bella's eyebrows rose and she looked like she was ready to cry.

"Why Victoria? Why must I die? It's not like it's my fault that Edward killed James. I'm sorry about that though. I knew he loved you. But think about it. If Edward had attacked you and James killed him, how would you feel when I felt what you feel now where I began to hunt you so that I could kill you?"

"I, er, what?" Victoria looked at Bella's serious expression. "I guess I'd feel pretty bad….sort of maybe?" Bella sighed. "How about I don't kill you today and we have a tea party instead?"

"A tea party?"

"Yeah."

"I guess that sounds like fun. Sort of…"

Victoria beamed.

"Alright then! You call me Vicki!"

"Um, okay, Vicki."

"We are going to be the best of friends, you and I!"

Bella looked to the sky. _Where are you Edward?_ She thought.

-------Back at the beach---------

"EMMETT! NOT AGAIN!" Rosalie yelled. **(Emmett had originally caused the tsunami that killed hundreds of people two years ago. Nice going Emmett! Sorry if it's offensive!)**

Edward had come down from his cliff, and sat on the beach with the rest of his family, trying to get his hopes back up.

"Hey, I heard that." Edward said, looking at Rosalie with a confused expression.

"Heard what?"

"You were saying that "why did you pick such an idiotic person to be your idiotic husband.""

"Thanks Edward. Thanks a lot." Rosalie said, sitting down next to him.

After a couple minutes of silence, Rosalie sighed.

"Still haven't found her yet?" she asked, a little concerned.

Edward looked up. "No, but she still would be here if she didn't call me Eddie. She knows how much I hate that name." Edward stiffened and growled.

"Constipated?" Emmett smirked at him.

"Excuse me? What's that supposed to mean?"

"You just didn't look so good for a second. Do you feel alright Edward? Are you truly constipated?" Emmett turned serious.

Edward stood up, ready to attack Emmett for calling him constipated, but Rosalie held him back.

"Enough with the annoying and disturbing constipation! Dear god!" Rosalie stood up and stormed off.

"Just so you know, Bella and Victoria are having a tea party in the middle of the ocean and Victoria says that they'll be the best of friends."

"Get to the point Emmett. Enough with the jokes."

"No joke Edward, she's also gonna kill Bella afterwards."

"They're-WHAT?!"

"Don't attack me Edward. No joke at all."

Edward looked up to the grayish sky with the grayish clouds, and out to the grayish ocean.

"I gotta find her. Before it's too late!" Edward said, running up the beach.

"Go find her, my brother!" Emmett yelled.

**Thanks for reading! This is probably the longest cahpter of them all!**

**Sorry if the Tsunami part is offensive in any way! We were just kidding!**

**This time we need 15-17 reviews in order to upload Ch. 5! Do it for Bella so Victoria will leave her alone! She's begging you!**

**Kirs & Kate**


	5. Tea for Three

**Sorry this chapter's so short! We felt like updating a lot today! This is a really short chapter and Victoria is really OOC….. By the way, can someone please tell us what OOC means? We're confused! XD**

**Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: We don't own Twilight, New Moon, or the characters; we do own the story of course! Mwahahahaha!**

**:: Kate:: CH. 4 was one of my favorites! I also like Ch. 8 though! XD**

**:: Kirs ::……..I LOVE YOU EDWARD!!!!!!**

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 5:**

**Tea for Three**

--On Bella's Rock—

"…and so I said, I don't care if those shoes go with the outfit! They're hideous! And she turns to me and says 'Let's see you find a better outfit!' and you know what Bella? I did! This is so much fun being friends! I'm almost sorry I have to kill you!" Victoria said to her new "friend" Bella.

"Oh, loads of fun! I haven't had more fun in my whole life…" _Dear god let this woman die! I can't stand her! Edward get your butt over here! NOW!!_

"Then I was all like, 'In your face! I found a better outfit!' Ahem!" Victoria blabbed on.

"Very interesting, Victoria."

"No, I told you to call me Vicki."

"You know, this isn't going to work. You are just going to kill me later."

"I know."

"Well-"

But Bella wasn't able to finish her sentence because a huge wave came at them.

"Um, what's with the huge wave?"

"Long story."

"Ah."

Bella and Victoria stood on the rock, awaiting the huge wave that was coming closer.

"Bella!"

Bella looked up, and saw Edward standing on the cliff overlooking her rock.

"Edward!"

"Oh, great. What is _he_ doing here?"

But Bella wasn't paying attention. She was staring up at Edward, and finally noticed that she was the only one standing on the rock. The wave was coming.

"Tell Emmett that I'll murder him if I survive this." Bella yelled up to Edward. "Oh, yeah, and I'll murder you too."

"What do you mean_ if_ you survive?!"

But Bella wasn't able to reply because at that moment she was hit by the wave. The last thing she heard was Edward screaming her name. _How am I going to survive this?! Good bye, I love you Eddie!_

"Bella!!!!!"

**If you look closely, Bella's last thought is quoted from New Moon when she thinks she's about to drown. (Except for the Eddie part though! XD)**

**Hope you liked it! **

**If you want to read more of this story, we want……**

**25 reviews! Mwahahahahahaha!**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Kirs & Kate**


	6. Free Trip to Africa

**Yay Chapter 6! **

**Aren't you all excited:D XD The last chapter was short and this one is a bit short too.**

**We're not trying to be offensive in any way! **

**REMINDER: Don't let Esme near the grill!!! **

**Disclaimer: See Profile:D**

**Chapter 6:**

**Free trip to Africa**

Bella woke up on the shores of a small beach in Africa, being poked by people with long sticks who were speaking to each other in a different language. And Bella, being Bella, did the first and only thing she could think of.

"Get back! I have pepper spray!" She went to reach into her pocket when she remembered she had a bathing suit on. "Crap!"

The Africans around her gasped.

"Bad person! Speaking such evil words! EVIL!!!!"

"Wha?!" Bella screamed as she was dragged by the natives back to their village.

--At the beach—

"Esme, are you sure you want to do this?" Carlisle was hovering around his wife who was looking intently at the grill set up before her.

"Of course Carlisle. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Well, because you know…..last time, with the oven…and the kitchen…and my eyebrows…"

"That was one time! I lit the kitchen on fire one time and you just can't let it go! Besides, I replaced it didn't I?"

Carlisle nodded at his wife slowly.

"Alright then. Bella will probably be hungry when -and if- she gets back."

"IF?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN IF?" Alice shouted at her "mother". "Why wouldn't she come back?! She has to!"

Jasper came up beside her and gave her a hug.

"Of course she'll come back Alice. Why wouldn't she? Besides, you can see the future. Is she coming back soon?" He looked down at his wife who was deep in thought.

"Well, all I see is Bella on T.V. and a very angry Edward."

As if warning, Edward stormed on the beach. His face was very pale, but he was very mad.

"EMMETT, YOU EVIL, VILE, CRUEL, EVIL PERSON! YOU STARTED THAT WAVE; YOU MADE BELLA DISSAPEAR, YOU IDIOTIC MORON! OMC. I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU!"

Emmett looked up from his hotdog that Esme had given him. It was black as charcoal. Edward's family was staring at him. Esme, shocked as she was, looked like she was going to faint. Alice, Jasper, and Rosalie had their mouths hanging wide open. Edward breathed hard, and Emmett stood up.

"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?"

"DO YOU THINK THAT I WANT TO REPEAT THAT EMMETT?"

"BRING IT ON."

Edward just stood there, his hands balled into fists, probably ready to attack Emmett and tear his head off.

"FINE THEN! LET'S GO!" Edward sprang at Emmett and knocked him to the ground. Edward punched Emmett and Emmett kicked Edward, sending him flying toward the ocean. But Edward got up again, and punched Emmett in the stomach. Emmett took Esme's nasty looking hotdog things and threw them at Edward, but Edward dodged them all. The family was still sitting there, with their mouths hanging open, too speechless to say anything. When Emmett had Edward in a headlock, Carlisle broke the silence.

"Boys! Honestly! Why don't you come over here and look at this?" Carlisle and the rest of the Cullens-and Hales- were all gathered around a small portable television set. On it was the news, live from Africa. Emmett still had Edward in a headlock when they walked over.

"I didn't know we had channels from Afr-"

"Emmett let me go!" Edward was still surprisingly struggling in Emmett's headlock.

"Not yet, my brother!"

"SHUT UP YOU IDIOTS!" Rosalie shouted at the two fighting brothers. "And Emmett, just let the wuss go!"

"Hey!"

"SHUT UP! NOW!" Jasper had surprisingly yelled at the bickering trio. "We're trying to listen to the news!"

"What's so important about the news?" Edward said, finally out of Emmett's tough grasp.

"Get your butt over here and see for yourself Eddie!" Alice screamed to him. Edward made his way over, growling.

Then he saw what was on T.V.

"Hello. This is Bella Swan, live from Africa. Live from some god-forsaken village in the middle of nowhere!"

"OMC! What did she do to her hair?! It looks just like mine!" Alice's hands flew to her head. It was true, Bella's once long hair looked just like Alice's.

"Any who…stop looking at me like that you stupid cameraperson!" Bella glared and hissed at the cameraman; obviously he was shaking because the camera was too. "I'm here to report to you about the HIV epidemic. We need to stop it. Africa is plagued by this disease and I….that's it! You stupid idiotic idiot!" Bella lunged at the camera which landed on it's side. You could hear her hisses at the cameraman and he was screaming like a little girl.

"GET AWAY FROM ME! I NEED A TRANQUILIZER DART! NOW! HURRY! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Edward looked at the television in horror. _OMC Bella! What are you doing?! _Then you could see the cameraman run by the camera, covering his head with his hands.

"That's it! I quit! Help! Someone! AAAAAHHHHH!!!!" He ran into the distance and fell into a stream. Bella then reappeared in front of the camera.

"This is all for tonight. And Edward, I am still going to kill you. And Emmett, I am going to play basketball with your head when I get back there." Bella then disappeared but her voice could still be heard. "HOW DO YOU TURN THIS STUPID THING OFF?" The camera then flew toward a tree and the screen went black.

Carlisle clicked off the television. Everyone looked at Emmett and Edward who were staring at the blank screen, twitching.

"Edward, Emmett. Go and get her. NOW."

"B-but Carlisle, she's in Africa."

"I DON'T CARE EMMETT! I SAID GO GET HER!"

"B-but, SHE'S _HIS_ GIRLFRIEND. HE SHOULD GO GET HER. IT'S _HIS_ FAULT." Emmett said, pointing to Edward.

Alice walked over, very calmly, and stood in front of Emmett.

"Emmett." Alice said calmly. Then she grabbed the collar of his shirt.

"GO AND GET HER RIGHT NOW. THE BOTH OF YOU! AND EDWARD, IT ISN'T FUNNY!" Alice glared at Edward who was trying not to laugh. His small sister was gaining up on his bigger brother. That probably wouldn't happen in a million years. "It is also partially _your_ fault she's there. _You_ just _had_ to throw her into the ocean just because she called you Eddie. GROW UP!"

Edward looked at Emmett. They were still growling at each other, but then Edward sighed.

"Alice is right. We need to grow up Emmett."

"YEAH I'M RIGHT. I AM ALWAYS RIGHT. NOBODY SAYS NO TO ALICE CULLEN! " Alice shouted. Her family stared at her in shock. "NOW GET GOING!" She then grabbed the two of them and threw them as hard as she could across the ocean. She turned back to her shocked family, brushing off her shirt. "So who's next?"

**Did you like it?**

**We're gonna stop asking for reviews so just review as you please!**

**The reason Bella seemed to have lost it with the cameraman is because of all the tranquilizers he threw at her. ;)**

**The explanation for that will be in a later chapter.**

**We're not really sure how Bella got to Africa...a really strong wave perhaps?**

**Also, wow, I guess you really shouldn't make Alice mad!!**

**And yes, HIV is a worldwide epidemic that is taking lives and we should do all we can to stop it.**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Kirs & Kate**


	7. Edward and Emmett to the Rescue

**Sorry if it took so long to update! Kate's working on Dominoes and it's taking awhile! XD**

**This is a really fun story to write! Chapter 8 is one of the better ones, poor Edward! (In the next chapter)**

**Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: See Profile**

**Chapter 7:**

**Edward and Emmett to the Rescue**

Emmett turned to his brother as they ran across the ocean. **(Can they really do that?)**

"So is Eddie off to save his clumsy little Bella?" Emmett snickered, mocking him. Edward growled and glared at his brother.

"No, I'm going to rescue the cameraman."

Emmett looked at his brother confused.

"Of course I am going to rescue Bella you idiot! God, Emmett, you are such an idiot."

Emmett just shook his head, trying not to pound Edward with all his might. If they fought, they'd just be wasting their time, and then they'd have to face the wrath that is Alice Cullen.

--On the beach—

Esme, Jasper, Rosalie, and Carlisle were sitting as far from Alice as possible, cowering in fear. Alice looked at them skeptically.

"What?" Esme shrieked when Alice spoke and Carlisle had to cover her mouth with his hand. Before they could speak Jasper pointed off into the distance. Not to far from shore a small group of people were swimming in circles. Rosalie stood to get a better look and wrinkled her nose in disgust.

"Werewolves."

Jasper growled slightly and Carlisle had to try to calm him down. Jasper, of all people.

"What are _they_ doing here? We're not on La Push land so they have no right to be here."

"Jasper! Be nice!" Esme glanced reproachfully at her "son".

"Whatever."

"Excuse me?!"

"Sorry mom…."

--In Italy—

---In Volterra—

--In the Volturi castle—

--In the, you get the point...—

"I think we need to pay the Cullens a visit!" Aro hopped out of his throne excitedly.

"You said that two seconds ago. Let it go Aro!"

"Shut up Caius! No one asked you!"

"Excuse me?!"

"Quiet you two. I agree with Aro."

"Yay! Marcus you're my new best friend!"

"Back away from me Aro. I don't appreciate hugs from _you_." Aro pouted and then spoke again.

"So when can we go? Can we go now? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Please? Pl-"

"ARO! SHUT! UP!" Aro turned to glare at Caius.

"I didn't ask for your opinion Caius." He turned back to Marcus. "When do you think we should go?"

"Why don't we just go now to make you shut the heck up!" Marcus glared down at Aro as he spoke.

"Oh joy! I'll go and get my things!" Aro turned to leave the room and then spoke again. "Marcus said a bad word! A dollar in the swear jar!" He then left the room.

Marcus groaned. "Him and that dang swear jar. I swear, we're going to get rich off that thing."

"I heard that! Another bad word! Bad, bad Marcus! Bad! Another dollar!" Marcus mumbled a string of profanities and shoved a twenty into the jar.

"That should keep the moron happy for now."

"ANOTHER DOLLAR!"

--in the ocean, near Africa—

Emmett turned to face Edward.

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Oh…." Two seconds later he spoke again.

"Are we there….yet?"

"No."

"Are we there…now?"

"NO Emmett."

"Are we there yet?"

"NO!"

"Are we there yet?!"

"NO EMMETT!"

"Are we there-"

"FOR GOD'S SAKE EMMETT, NO!!!!"

Emmett noticed his brother's angry glance, and looked up to the sky. Five minutes later, Emmett looked at Edward.

"Are we there……yet?"

Edward looked at him, growled, and then attacked him again.

"EDWARD! GET OFF OF ME!"

"YOU SAY THAT LINE ONE MORE TIME, YOU WILL WISH THAT YOU WERE NEVER EVEN BORN! DON'T MESS WITH ME."

Edward read his mind. _Oh, sure. What is little Eddie going to do? Strangle me? Are we there yet Eddie? Yeah, I know you can hear me._

"THAT IS IT EMMETT! I HAD IT UP TO HERE WITH YOU! YOU MORON!"

Emmett wasn't even able to punch his brother in the gut, because they had somehow reached their destination.

**Yay for Chapter 7:D XD**

**Yes, Aro is very, very, very, very, very, very OOC in this chapter.**

**Emmett called Edward Eddie and kind of made him mad…just a bit mad don't you think? XD**

**Thanks for reading! More to come soon!**

**Kirs & Kate**


	8. Crazy Bella

**Yay for ****Chapter**** 8!**

**More OOC characters but what'd you expect? XD**

**Bella has officially lost it!**

**CRAZY natives in this chapter! We hope you like it!**

**A little Edward and Bella fluff at the end! D**

**Enjoy:D XD**

**Disclaimer: See Profile. XD**

**Chapter 8:**

**Crazy Bella **

"BELLA! BELLA!" Edward yelled on the deserted island. Emmett found a stick, and started playing with it. Edward looked at him, rolled his eyes, and kept on walking.

Edward walked, and walked and walked, until he noticed that someone was pointing a sharp stick toward his chest, and the only thing he knew about sticks was that they were made of wood. Edward decided to turn back, and go see if Emmett was having fun with his stick. But when he turned to go back to the beach he saw Emmett barreling toward him.

"RUN EDWARD! YOU HAVE TO RUN!" Emmett shoved past Edward and disappeared into the trees.

"Alright then." Edward spun around to see a small band of natives coming toward him with wide eyes and more sharp sticks. One of them came toward Edward curious and tried to stab him with his spear. It just snapped against his granite chest.

"IIIEE!!" The band of warriors screeched and attacked him. Edward froze, shocked as the warriors tried to tackle him, bouncing off his granite chest. They screamed "IIIEE!!" once more and resorted to tying him up and gagging him. Edward was too shocked to do anything.

--At the beach--

"Are they back yet?" Rosalie asked her father, annoyed. "I'm bored."

"Well if you're so bored then why don't you go for a swim Rosalie?" Alice retorted back to the blonde. Rosalie gulped and stuttered back to Alice.

"S-sure…I think I'll go for a swim. Do-does anyone else want to come wi-with?" Esme jumped up with Carlisle.

"We'll join you Rose!" the three of them ran toward the ocean and toward Bella's rock, trying to stay as far away from Alice as possible. Alice looked down at Jasper. He gulped slightly. Of course he wouldn't go, he couldn't leave Alice on the beach…alone. Unless of course he wanted to face the wrath of Alice.

"Jasper…?" Alice's eyes were wide and she was looking at Jasper worried, also trying not to smile.

"Yes….Alice?" Jasper was hesitant to answer.

"We have to get to Africa. NOW."

--In Africa—

--In the village—

--In the village square—

Edward, still in shock, was being dragged by the band of natives who were now exhausted and collapsed on the ground after dragging him from the jungle.

"What do you want from me?" Edward spoke after pulling off the gag and breaking his restraints, somewhat dazed and confused. An old and wise looking woman walked up to him slowly.

"We want man for Queen. Crazy Queen. You make Queen happy."

"Right…So who is this Crazy Queen you speak of?"

"Good language…" the old woman murmured, deep in thought.

"Um…Okay…… So who is this Queen?" Before the old lady answered the small crowd that had gathered immediately shushed and a dazed and disoriented person walked into the village square.

"Bella!" Edward yelled, finally happy to see her again. Also sorry for throwing her into the ocean. "I'm so sorry!" he went to hug her when a villager screamed.

"IIEE!!" the villagers began to run in circles, trying to find shelter. The old woman smacked Edward upside the head with her staff which cracked. She gasped in horror.

Bella looked stunned to see him and then straightened up, glaring at him.

"Witch!" Some random voice yelled either a villager who knew very little English words, the old lady, Emmett, or Bella. Edward gasped when he figured out who it was.

"BELLA!" he moaned as the African natives gasped and glared at him in horror, backing away slowly. The old lady narrowed her eyes at him and then turned to Bella.

"What you want us to do to Witch-Man Crazy Queen?" Edward averted his gaze from the woman and looked at Bella shocked. _Bella? Queen? Well, at least the Crazy part fits….a little…_

"Burn the Witch-Man!" Edward's eyes widened in shock. _Bella knows that's one of the only ways we can die. How could you Bella!_ _I thought she loved me! _

"BELLA!!!! Snap out of it! Come on! We have to get back to the beach!" He shook her gently, trying to break the trance. "It's me! Bella! It's Edward!" Bella's forehead creased in confusion like she was trying to remember something.

"Ed…Edward…"

"GET AWAY FROM QUEEN!" The old woman screeched at Edward.

"NO!" Then he smelled smoke. Bella had moved away from him and he was standing in a ring of fire. "Great, just what I need. A bunch of idiots burning a he-witch at the stake. OMC…" An odd noise came out of the trees.

"UH UH UH! **(Or some kind of Tarzan/Ape-like voice XD)** I've come to save you Edward!" Edward pinched the bridge of his nose when he recognized the voice.

"Please be wearing clothes Emmett, please…."

"Give me your hand my brother!" Edward looked up, praying that he was wearing clothes this time –which he was!- and saw that he was reaching down for him. Edward grabbed his hand and the vine-of course- swung over to where Bella was. Edward grabbed her and the trio swung of into the trees. The chorus of cheers, boos, and "IIEE!"'s could be heard in the background. Bella opened her eyes wide and looked up at Edward.

"Sorry…" she mumbled into his shoulder.

"That's okay, it's not everyday your girlfriend calls you a witch."

"Gee, thanks Edward." He kissed the top of her head before answering.

"Anytime."

**See? We told you there'd be a little Edward and Bella fluff! XD**

**GO TARZAN EMMETT! YAY! **

**"IIEE!!" **

**If you were paying attention- which we hope you were ;D- you'd realize that when Emmett says: "RUN EDWARD! YOU HAVE TO RUN!" it's the quote from Bella's dream in Twilight only with the names changed. If you realized that before we said anything then you get a cookie:D ;D**

**Also...When Edward thinks _I thought she loved me!_ It's a quote from our other story "Dominoes" when Bella thinks _I thought he loved me!_ with the 'he' and 'she' changed. Or whatever. Be sure to check that story out too! XD **

**Yes we have OOC characters and we like sugar. Why do you ask:D**

**The reason for Bella's hair change and the reason she's nuts will be explained in another chapter.**

**This will be updated soon!**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Kirs and Kate**


	9. Visitors

**Aro is very, very, very, very, very, OOC. But that's why we love him right? Right?!**

**There's not much to say about this chapter…..it's okay. :D**

**Disclaimer: See Profile**

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 9:**

**Visitors**

Alice and Jasper were just about to leave for Africa when they suddenly heard movement behind them. They turned to see a happy Aro bounced on his heels, an annoyed Caius, and tired-looking Marcus. Alice gulped at the sight of them and Jasper wrapped an arm around her shoulder reassuringly.

"Oh no, not THEM!"

"It's okay, Alice."

Esme, Rosalie, and Carlisle had come back from Bella's rock to talk to the visitors.

"So guys, when did you get here?" Esme asked.

"Oh, about a minute ago." Aro answered.

"Joy!"

"Well we would have gotten here sooner if Aro didn't have to stop and look at souvenirs at EVERY. SINGLE. STOP."

"What I like cotton candy!" Caius groaned. "Do you have a problem with that?"

"You'll just end up throwing it up anyway."

"Ah, speaking of which. Would you excuse me for a moment?" Aro turned and disappeared into the woods.

"Don't go in there for awhile. For your own safety please." Marcus advised them. Alice and Jasper felt shivers go down their spines and looked back up at Caius nervously when he spoke to them.

"So how is Bella handling her transformation?" he sneered at them. Alice cringed. _Edward! I hope you read my mind even if you're far away! Don't come back here with Bella right now! _Yet Edward heard his sister's thoughts too late. He had just arrived back with and excited looking Emmett and a fast-asleep Bella. His eyes grew wide and he began to growl.

"I see someone's decided to pay a little unsuspected and unwanted visit." Edward growled at Caius and Marcus. "But where is our dear friend Aro?" As if on cue, Aro reappeared from the woods, looking sickened yet happy.

"Ah! Edward! It's so good to see you!" Aro beamed and then frowned when he looked at the sleeping Bella in his arms. "You do realize that vampires can't sleep Edward?" Caius groaned.

"Of course vampires can't sleep Aro, do you believe that we're all that stupid?"

"Caius, let the man speak." Marcus told Caius gruffly.

"What I mean is, do you realize what you have done? You have broken our deal Edward. We let you leave Volterra alive and you were to change Bella. You know what must happen now Edward. Bella must die." Edward's grip around Bella tightened, waking her.

Bella woke slowly, trying to register the things that were happening around her.

"Wha..?" She wasn't able to finish her sentence when she saw the three main Volturi standing before her.

A small gust of wind blew by the vampires-and Bella- and four figures emerged from the woods.

"Oh. Crap."

**:: Kate :: I can't finish Chapter 10 until you come here! Get your Edward-loving-butt over here Kirs!!!!! Grr! Please be patient until I can find Kirs and drag her over here! stalks off in search of Kirs**

**Anyways, this chapter is sort of…….iffy. It's okay I guess.**

**Remember to Review!**

**Kirs & Kate**


	10. Fear the Soap! and Happy Birthday Frosty

**:: Kate :: I found Kirs! Mwahahahahahah!**

**Yay for Chapter 10! It's finally up:D**

**A short chapter but hehehe….XD**

**Read read read!**

**Disclaimer: See Profile.**

**Chapter 10:**

**Fear the Soap! And Happy Birthday Frosty!**

Out of the woods came the four Quiluete werewolves, Paul, Sam, Embry, and Jacob. Jacob stiffened when he saw the Volturi and Bella in Edward's arms. His expression was pained and then quickly turned to anger.

"Happy Birthday Frosty the Snowman!" Emmett yelled randomly. Everyone gave him an annoyed look except for Aro.

"What the crap Emmett?" Edward said to his brother.

"EDWARD! LANGUAGE!" Esme screamed. Aro clapped.

"OMC! It's his b-day! O-M-C! We have to party!" Aro immediately began to do the disco.

Bella screamed and hid her face in Edward's shoulder and Alice screamed and ran to hide behind Jasper.

Caius and Marcus looked scared also.

"LORD SAVE US ALL!" Caius shouted to the sky.

Emmett looked excited, and started to do the disco with Aro.

This time, Rosalie screamed, and walked over to Emmett, and slapped him across the face. Then everyone stopped and looked at Rosalie.

"OW ROSE! WHAT WAS THAT FOR?"

"YOU'RE AN IDIOT, THAT'S WHY! AND SHUT UP EDWARD!"

Everyone looked at Edward. He was trying not to laugh.

"Are we gonna die?" Bella looked up at Edward.

"Dur……………"

Jacob was fed up with this and was shaking with anger when he saw Bella with Edward.

"THIS. IS. SO. FRICKIN'.STUPID!" Esme glared at Jacob and pointed a shaky finger at him.

"You there! Random boy! Watch your language or so help me god, I'll shove soap down your throat you annoying mutt!"

Carlisle looked at his wife, shocked.

"Esme……"

"WHAT?!"

"Um, never mind."

Bella looked at Jacob, and ran up to him.

"Please forgive Esme, Jake."

"Forgive that filthy bloodsucker? I think not!" Jacob said, storming back into the woods.

Edward opened his mouth to speak, but Alice shot him a dirty look.

"Don't you dare!"

Edward closed his mouth.

Esme was standing there, shaking with rage.

"HOW DARE HE!"

Carlisle put his hand on Esme's shoulder.

"It's going to be okay."

Esme looked up at her husband.

"I'll be right back." Bella waved to Edward and Esme and then ran off into the woods after Jake.

**Yay! Thanks for reading! Ch. 11 will be up eventually……**

**Review review review! XD**

**Kirs & Kate**


	11. Oh My Carlisle

**Howdy ya'll! Someone asked us if we were before and NO. WE ARE NOT HIGH. **

**We were just bored one day and came up with this story while we sat by the pool. If there's anything you should blame for the stupidity of this story, blame the cold water!**

**Disclaimer: See Profile.**

**Chapter 11:**

**Oh. My. Carlisle.**

-in the woods-

Bella wandered aimlessly into the woods. Her foot caught on something, sending her to the ground. A pair of warm hands caught her before she hit the ground.

"JAKE!" Jacob snickered and slowly helped Bella stand up.

He pulled her into a quick hug but Bella pushed him away. He looked down at her hurt.

"Bella-" But Jake didn't have time to finish his sentence because at that moment Bella raised her hand at his face.

"THIS IS FOR MY FUTURE MOTHER MORON!"

-back at the beach-

Edward was about to chase after Bella when Alice's hand stopped him.

"Just wait."

Edward shrugged and waited a moment until he heard Bella shriek "THIS IS FOR MY FUTURE MOTHER MORON!" and the resounding sound of a slap.

Alice began to laugh uncontrollably when Bella came out of the woods.

Rosalie looked at her shocked.

"Did you just….Did he…..Did you…." Rosalie stuttered at Bella. Bella looked up at her with murder written all over her face.

"Yes. I did. I slapped him. And I'll do it again if I feel like it! No one, I repeat NO ONE, messes with ISABELLA MARIE SWAN WHEN SHE IS WITH THE CULLENS! Especially when they're rude to Esme!" She punched the air above her.

The Cullens stood there staring at her. Emmett began to clap and cheer.

"GO BELLA! This one will be fun to have as a sister!" Bella turned to face Emmett and gave him a death glare. Emmett actually gulped and backed away slowly.

"You're not off the hook yet Emmett!" she hissed at him, Emmett was ready to run. Edward stepped forward to calm Bella down. She turned and glared at him too. "You're not off the hook either EDWARD ANTHONY MASEN CULLEN!" Edward actually whimpered and backed away.

Jasper was cowering behind Alice in fear.

"Too…much…..emotion!" Alice was patting his head reassuringly.

"Now, now, Jasper….It's okay. OMC! BELLA!!" Alice shrieked and pointed at Bella's hair. "YOUR HAIR! IT'S, IT'S….PINK!" She shrieked and tried to hide behind Jasper who tried to hide behind Alice who tried to hide behind Jasper……and this went on for awhile.

Everyone watched this short routine for awhile before turning back to Bella.

"Uh, Bella?"

She was shaking with rage.

"WHAT?"

Emmett was far away from Bella, ready to run into the ocean if he needed to.

A cough interrupted their spat and everyone turned to face the cougher.

"Ahem." Aro cleared his throat. "I do believe we have more important matters to attend to at the moment."

"No, not really…" Rosalie retorted back to Aro, annoyed. She looked back at the angry Bella and remembered what was going on. "Oh yeah. Whatever." She turned to walk away. Emmett was anxiously pacing the beach, never taking his eyes off the Volturi.

Caius turned to face Bella before he spoke.

"Are you prepared to die Bella? We have more important things to do than go kill a measly human."

"EXCUSE ME?!" Bella shouted in rage at Caius. He took a step back, startled.

No one was prepared for what happened next. Bella actually lunged at Caius who yelped and fled, Marcus watching Bella with wide eyes, also ready to run.

Aro was slowly starting to do the disco _again _for no apparent reason.

"We'll ju-just g-go now. If you don't mind that is."

"Not at all." Bella snapped at Marcus. Marcus ran off in the forest, coming back a minute later to drag Aro away. Aro's voice could be heard in the distance.

"But we didn't open presents yet!"

Bella brushed off her hands and clothes and faced the Cullens again.

"Anyway……." She looked at Edward's shocked face. "What's wrong _Edd_-Edward?" Luckily, Bella stopped herself from calling him Eddie before she would have been thrown back into the ocean.

"Oh. My. Carlisle."

**Bwahahahahahahaha! XD That's it for Ch. 11! We hope you liked it!**

**Again, WE ARE NOT HIGH. **

**Anyway, hopefully this chapter was enough for now. ******

**Chapter 12 will be out soon and this story may soon come to a close. **

**Remember to review! We love new ideas!**

**Kirs & Kate**


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